Improvisations on Reality

Apparently, Round 2 of ABNA also garners reviews. And for the record, I don’t mind negatives – I know the flaws within Book 1; the cold open/CSI-style approach is very difficult to translate into written word and even more difficult in sci-fi. So I expected to not make it into the next round.

Cut for the reviews and my opinion.

ABNA Expert Reviewer

What is the strongest aspect of this excerpt?

The creativity behind the story was good, although underdeveloped, it could actually go somewhere and be a great story. The writing was good and flowed well although you need to watch your spelling.

What aspect needs the most work?

Definitely the order of the story, the hook, and the overusage of descriptives. You know how to paint a picture with descriptives, but you need to know how to do it in less space. We don’t need two paragraphs describing how some gal looks. It’s just boring.

What is your overall opinion of this excerpt?

It could be good if some changes are made. If I was able to move it around, your story would start with the chapter that begins on Wall Street. It’s very boring in the beginning, you don’t have a hook to draw us into your piece, and it just isn’t very much fun to read. It’s hard to rival Star Wars and this piece reminds me of Battlestar Galactica. That was boring too and again, another knock-off from Star Wars. If you don’t make the beginning interesting, then no one will finish it and well, that’s not to your benefit. The profanity is unnecessary too – think of your audience. Do they really need to read that? Always know to whom your are writing and proceed accordingly. I know you would greatly benefit from taking some journalism classes at your local university. You will learn how to better order your thoughts, grab a hook, and thus, grab an audience. You have a good idea here but it just really needs a lot of work.

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The first review, as I said, I expected.

I will now retrieve my eyebrow from my hairline and stop snickering.

Number 1. There is no profanity in Book 1. Zero. None. I proofed it for 3 years and ensured that it was PG-13.

Number 2. Journalism classes for a creative piece? Non-sequitur. And I’ve taken journalism classes. I can tell you this; journalism and creative writing are completely different insofar as stylistics, structure, and sequence.  I severely fail to see how journalistic structure in inverse-pyramid style works with sci-fi.

Number 3. I’ve never seen BSG.

I’m not kidding. I never saw Battlestar Galactica, but looked it up and completely fail to see it. And considering my education is of the legal/investigative background, I’m pretty capable of making connections. There are none. The even more interesting thing is, I didn’t see Star Wars until after I laid down the concepts for the book. I started laying them down back in high school, and didn’t see SW until I was about 20. So, I really have to wonder if my reviewer just saw “space”, “war”, “planets” and thought immediately “Star Wars knockoff, slush pile.”

While all of this does raise my hackles a little, on the other hand, I have to laugh. I really do. And this isn’t to say I’ve not gotten negatives before, and I did expect to have SW comparisons. However, George Lucas was a genius within his own right with that saga and I know that few will ever come close to him – and I, for one, took great care to not infringe. To be accused of being a knockoff of him, truthfully, is a compliment. It’s a hell of a lot better than being lumped in with Stephenie Meyer and Twilight because one of my characters is a vampire.

My fiction is definitely not for everyone, that I know, but to get the notes on the second review? That…truthfully, is amusing.

Well, live and learn. Next year is Book 2, and it does make references to hell. So if ‘hell’ is considered a profane word, I’d love to see the ones for next year.

K.G.