I’d rather be “mean”.

Very recently, I had a small explosion of drama, which I have so far done without for the better part of a fair few years. I won’t name names. Said individual was promptly told off and blocked. Phone number was deleted as well.

What he did was insult someone while trying to “be supportive” – his words, not mine – and then take severe umbrage with me for pointing out that I really didn’t find his insult of a complete stranger funny. You see, I’ve never been a fan of the “bring me up by putting someone else down” approach.

I’m honestly not sure what infuriated me more about that exchange: the fact that this was someone whom I had considered a friend right up until that point, the fact that said person thinks that it’s perfectly okay to pull the supportive card while insulting someone else in the same breath, or the fact that said person, who had known me for years, thinks that I was “overreacting” if I point out that his own behavior is very much 1. not funny, silly, joking, or any synonym of above, and 2. does nothing to actually support me if it insults someone else.

Let me say this, without mincing words: there is no one on this green earth – not my blood family, not my clients, not my friends, not the Queen of England – who has the right to tell me how I should perceive something. Insulting someone to “support” someone else is not funny. It is not supportive, either. But telling me not to get offended when someone is clearly being offensive? It won’t make me less offended, but it will, in fact, make whoever’s telling me that look like a presumptuous asshole who thinks that he/she has the right to tell me how to think and how to feel. You can have the right to say what you want, but I have an equal right not to like what you say, and call you out on your words.

If you think that makes me “mean”, then you know what, then I’m mean, I’m a bitch, and kindly get over it. I’d rather be mean and stand up for what I feel and believe in, as opposed to just sit there and keep my mouth shut  to not “rock the boat” and “keep the peace”. I was raised with that mentality, and doing the whole keep-the-peace thing had done me a lot more harm than good. I’m no doormat, and refuse to keep silent when I have something to say.

I’ve also been told, in more than one unrelated instance, that I will “miss out on a lot of opportunities” if I don’t “tone it down”.  And what, precisely, are those “opportunities” that I will be missing out on? Give me some specifics. Because as far I can tell you, I didn’t get to where I am as a person by being all sweet, nice, demure, and cooperative. I got to where I am by being myself, and myself happens to be a cast-iron, outspoken bitch. And honestly, if someone with an opportunity for me isn’t willing to accept the person that I am, bitchitude and all, then there’s a pretty good chance that 1. I don’t want that opportunity in the first place, and 2. I don’t want to have much to do with that person.

This is a fair warning, and one that I don’t want to have to repeat: if you can’t take the heat, get out of the kitchen. If you want to stir up trouble, I will not tolerate it. If you have a problem with what I say, delete me. Because, at the end of the day, you’re probably not the person I want reading my work anyway. In other words, either you respect me, and respect the people of which you might speak on my page, and I will respect you in return. Otherwise, I have no problem in 86ing you out of my life, digital or in-person.

And go ahead, tell me about all those “missed opportunities”, because I would still much rather be myself than have to put on a mask for a bone to be thrown. I tend to prefer quality in my opportunities, rather than taking whatever I can get. I’m not desperate.  I would much rather wait and take my opportunities with the people who will accept me the way I am, as opposed to taking the “don’t rock the boat” tack to take whatever comes along.

K.G.