2012 in Retrospect

The fact that we survived the apocalypse is a great thing in and of itself. *rim shot*

The obligatory joke out of the way, this has to be the most insane year I’ve experienced so far. Really.

I’ve done the impossible: resigned the full-time post at my old job. I never in my life thought that I would do that. I never even realized just how much pressure I had been under. I never even imagined that I could sleep through the night and not dread waking up in the morning. How could I not have known that?

I’ve done the even more impossible: made money off my photography. What had started as just shooting my own stock photos for graphic design had taken on an entirely new direction. Kudos to my first photo customer, Matt Marshak, for helping me see what I am capable of doing. And kudos times two to Chieli Minucci, who had seen this in me even before I could’ve even thought of it.

And more than ever, I’ve grown into myself in 2012, apart from all of this. I had a chance to travel, to think about what I am and what I’m not, and to define and redefine certain parts of myself. My very strong liberal viewpoints are something I’m no longer going to be apologetic for, ashamed of, or compelled to hide; this election had put us all through the wringer in various ways. I have no belief in the Bible or the Christian God, but I feel that the universe works in odd and mysterious ways, in its own chaotic order, and that order needs to be trusted for it to work. I also feel that there is a lot more to what I can do creatively, and whether it will ever make me money or not, I feel that I need to keep doing it.

2012 has been strange like that. So many changes, some of which I’m still trying to analyze, and most of those in myself. I’m not incapable of feeling certain things, as I found out. I am not yet capable, though, of letting go and just doing something without first mapping its consequences. It’s something I doubt I’ll ever be able to do, but I got a lot better at being adventurous.

Most of all, I managed to see myself in an author framework and think it serious. Releasing Book 4 has been a very interesting event for me; closing out one arc and starting work on another has been a game-changer. If I had never thought of myself as a Serious Author before, presenting someone with a full set of books as opposed to just the unfinished collection has done it for me. It definitely confirmed a lot of things for me.

In all, has this been a good year?

Oh, yes, and verily.

Will 2013 be better?

Damn tootin’. I cannot wait to see what the next year has in store for me, apart from Capital Jazz Supercruise (where would I be without my annual jaunt?). There’s a whole world to explore out there, and I’m hoping that I will get the chance to explore it with enthusiasm and my rig.

Happy 2013, all. Be safe, pop the corks, and smile.

K.G.

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