Wow. It propagated. (On relationships – again – and why I won’t be in one)

Very interesting thing in my stats today: my old post on why I refuse to get into a relationship has been propagating. Long story short, Michael Baisden had dropped an excellent bit of food for thought on the topic, I sounded off…and apparently, y’all really like it. :)

Thanks for reading, first of all.

Now, in case you’re wondering, to a major extent, all of that still holds true.

I’m still busy. I changed jobs since I wrote that post, and my new job is giving me more and more tasks and responsibilities. Business is thriving. I’ve finally gotten one of the photo gigs on my photographic bucket list. I still don’t have the time to sleep properly or think straight, and trust me, I’m well aware of what that means for my health, but the hustle waits for no one.

And the same consideration, this leaves me in the exact same spot: where, exactly, does dating fit in? Even if I wanted to get into a relationship, I know exactly why I will not.

First of all, I’m hardly the marriage type. I’ve been married. It took me that experience to drive home that I am not the family type. I’m too much of an adventurer at heart to be tied down to any one place or person.

Second: my life, and all I do in it, will always take first priority. If there’s a man who’s expecting to become top priority in my life, he will be cruelly disappointed. Unless, of course, his life is as hectic and multifaceted as my own, because two busy people tend to always find a way to jive (in my experience). I’m a workaholic with a deep love of travel, music, and all that goes with it. Likely, the only man whom I’d date is someone within the music circle, except that I have this little bad habit known as integrity, which takes precedence over anything I might want, think about, consider, etc. In other words: business comes first, always, and forever.

Third: I refuse to compromise on my standards or on who I am. This is non-negotiable. Please spare me the whole “all relationships require compromise” schpeel – I’m well aware of that. But I also firmly believe that if I have to, in any way, change who I am and what my standards are just to have a relationship, it’s not a relationship worth having. I keep a high standard for people around me and for myself because I expect to be treated a certain way and expect to treat people likewise. I should not have to settle for less than what I feel that I deserve just because of a relationship, a hookup, etc. I know my worth and don’t offer discounts.

Four: I’m childfree. You’d be amazed at how quickly the words “I don’t like small children” make people scatter, or worse, pull out the bingo routine. (CF folks, you know what I mean).

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: love makes fools of people well before it’ll ever give them their dues. After my divorce, after a few attempts at dating, and the sheer great luck of having a couple of F.W.B.s with their brains straight over the past 7 years, I have come to view any sort of a romantic entanglement as just another form of a business arrangement. Would you hire a substandard employee? Of course not. I’d rather the men in my life have a life of their own, and be as okay with the convoluted busy craziness of mine as I am and expect to be with theirs. Because let’s face it: the hustle waits for no one. I don’t expect to put it on pause, and I certainly don’t expect someone else to put theirs on pause for my sake. But if the hustle overlaps and it works well when it does – then we have something that can work.

But right now, I’d rather my life and my work take top priority in my book. There’s still a long work in progress to finish. Until I feel that that’s done, I will foot it alone. Not the first year.

K.G.

 

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