Fifty Shades of WTF?

I couldn’t resist. So yeah, the Fifty Shades of Grey tripe is becoming a movie franchise, and it has a shiny new trailer.

Of course, people are going gaga over it.

I swear, I must be a pod person or something. Really. Because I just cannot see any of that as “sexy”. I cannot see anything about Christian Grey as a character that would make it noteworthy, except for the fact that he’s a fucking sociopath.

Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this straight: abuse is not sexy. Not even if it’s written to try and be sexy. Abuse is abuse, and abuse should not be tolerated, whether physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, you name it.

I read some of the book, but I stopped in disgust. Can someone please tell me how any of that is different from Twilight? How is the dynamic between Christian and Ana any different than Edward and Bella? Both are incredibly unhealthy, and in both cases, the male half acts as a predator chasing prey. In Twilight, it was Bella for being human and having the blood scent that affected Edward like heroin. Not even kidding, look in the books – “You are like my personal brand of heroin” was the phrase used. And Christian targets Ana because she’s a virgin, ergo naive, ergo he can do with her as he feels like and “mold” her into his ideal partner.

And people think it’s sexy? That it’s a good portrayal of the BDSM scene? Good lord, folks, if that’s what you think is sexy, I truly wonder about how satisfied you are in your own sex lives and what your ideas are about men respecting women. Because that’s just some seriously unhealthy shit that I’ve skimmed through in that book, and by no means am I a prude.

One of my best friends is heavily in BDSM, and she’s a sub. I also chatted up a professional dominatrix at a bar – yes, I live in NYC, you never know whom you’ll meet where. From the opposite side of the submission divide, they both told me that in the BDSM world, no one in their right minds would treat anyone the way Christian treats Ana throughout the series. BDSM hinges very, very, very heavily on consent. Hell, 99% of all sexual relationships hinge on consent. What Christian does treads into the territory of rape; I do not recall Ana consent to much of what he was doing with her. And don’t let me hear the “if she doesn’t say no that means yes” crap – hell no. If you’re in bed with someone and you aren’t blind or deaf, you will know very well when someone wants you to continue.

Really. I can’t understand how this shit got this popular, in both series’ cases. I will not pay money to even a street bootlegger hocking DVDs to see this crap. I mean, really. I know Americans as a whole are still very Puritanic when it comes to sex, but…really, folks, give me a break. I have read all of Twilight on a lost bet, so I know how to get through shitty fiction. But if it fails the Random Page Test in about two paragraphs, then I can’t help you there.

I really, honestly cannot understand how people, especially women, think that this shit is sexy, romantic, etc. I can’t. Granted I’m not exactly a “romantic” in the strictest sense, but I have a certain standard of behavior I expect in a relationship, based on this little thing called respect and this other thing called common sense. Except I’m afraid it’s not so common.

Really? This is made into a movie?

Then I guess fiction really has gone to shit.

K.G.

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6 thoughts on “Fifty Shades of WTF?

  1. I never even liked The Story of O which was well written. I had no intention of even seeing the trailer, but I went to see LUCY yesterday and they had the trailer as a preview . What I see as pathetic and absurd is all the mom’s going on and on about how it is a love story… when their kids decide to read the books, and many will… you will have a bunch of confused young minds that will think sexual deviancy and sex and pain are cool. I am NO prude, but needing Whips chains and all that other crap, means people simply do not know how to make love and have pleasure. I feel very sorry for people like that !

    1. I very firmly disagree with you on the last bit. Some people just cannot orgasm without pain stimuli. That’s just how they’re wired. However, and I’m repeating myself here, there’s a lot of it that hinges on consent, which the EL James books thoroughly ignore. No one in the BDSM scene would treat someone else like that without their express consent and permission. Which, again, is something that many even vanilla sexual relationships thoroughly ignore.

  2. PS never bothered to read it… but I love this part of your post … love the whole post but this … I swear, I must be a pod person or something. Really. Because I just cannot see any of that as “sexy”. I cannot see anything about Christian Grey as a character that would make it noteworthy, except for the fact that he’s a fucking sociopath.

    Ladies and gentlemen, let’s get this straight: abuse is not sexy. Not even if it’s written to try and be sexy. Abuse is abuse, and abuse should not be tolerated, whether physical, emotional, psychological, sexual, you name it.
    SAYS IT ALL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRAVO I applaud you!

  3. Well, the comparisons to Twilight make tons of sense when you realize it was originally a Twilight fanfiction. Some people even claim that it was co-written by multiple people, but that E.L. James took credit for it as all her own or some such. I don’t know all the details in that regard, but I do know that if you recognize similarities in regards to Twilight that is going to be the reason why. She’s one of the reasons that fanfic has such a terrible reputation. Now everyone thinks that if you write fanfic(which I do) your goal is to get it published and make money off the hard work of other writers when most people write fanfic just plain for fun, to try writing in the strict rules of another setting without messing up as a practice technique, or to just find release, etc. But people like E.L. James just continue to give it a bad rep.

    I do agree though: This is not BDSM. This is abuse. It is not sexy. I’ve never read these books — never will either — and I’ve never read Twilight, but I have read a Tumblr of someone that reads Twilight and pinpoints certain things. I read it cause the commentary and tags are hilarious. Even includes screenshots of bits of pages so it’s not like they can accuse them of lying. The scariest part though is when people point out how Edward is abusive, the responses from some people trying to justify his actions(ie he just doesn’t want her talking to x people cause they’re bad people and you wouldn’t want your loved one talking to bad people, would you?) or the worst ones are those people that try to while preempting their speech with “I was with someone abusive and Edward is not-” which makes me want to rage.

  4. As I’ve mentioned to a number of people, Christian is a date rapist–no more or less. He’s not into BDSM, he’s into abuse. These isn’t any consent, there isn’t any agreement, there isn’t any possibility of release. He’s a billionaire frat boy who’d be more at home wearing a tank top undershirt.

    I want to see them recite some of the lines of dialog, too. I wonder if the woman will say, “My medulla oblongata reminded me to breath.” I gotta WORK to write something that bad.

    1. Yeah. The dialogue and writing was just…wow. I may go out on a limb here, but not even Twilight’s inner monologue – which was complete drivel – was that bad.

      I won’t pay a cent to this. NOPE. Not even to a street bootleg guy.

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