Fifty Shades of Give me a fucking BREAK.

So yeah, Fifty Shades is now in the theaters.

WHY this has been made into a movie, I will never understand.

Really, does no one see the very obvious problems with the entire thing? Nowhere does Ana Steele actually, actively consent to anything that she and Christian do. Nowhere does Christian actually show any concern or give-a-damn for Ana’s comfort. Tell me please how Christian Grey is not a garden-variety sociopath and rapist. Because Ana did not actively consent to any of this.

And does no one see the very, very obvious fact that Christian is an abuser and chose an inexperienced virgin for his ‘partner’ because he knows, like every other abusive asshole and under-endowed man knows, like every single man who can’t handle hearing or knowing he’s a lousy lay knows, that he would never meet the standards of someone with more experience and who knows what they want in the sack?

Oh yeah, I’ve just gone there.

I don’t know the stats of how many virgins have an abusive relationship for their first time. I honestly don’t know if any such a study has been done. But trust me when I say that we all know at least one woman who, before she gained enough experience to know what she does or doesn’t want in the bedroom, has had a man who sought her out because of her inexperience, to try and be the “teacher” (and in reality not knowing what he was doing on a good day, but inexperienced women wouldn’t necessarily know better, so hey – he can get some without actually trying to please the person he’s with!). And we all have that one female friend who had a man try or push her into something during sex that she was not okay with. THAT should be your benchmark for what Fifty Shades is really promoting. That treatment, as the kind that was meted out to your friend, who has had that experience and did not want anything to do with it.

Look: I have nothing against BDSM. I have more than one friend in that world; it’s not my personal cup of tea, but like any curious person, I ask questions. Here’s the deal: real BDSM is a study in advanced psychology, at least where the dynamics are concerned. Even if one person is dominating and the other a submissive, there’s a massive caliber of trust that gets involved with BDSM. Never minding the sexual aspects of this, it takes a lot of trust for the submissive to allow the dominant individual to proceed and not end up hurting the sub, and for the dominant to trust his or her sub to not allow them to go too far. It’s an exchange of power, in equal measure.

Where is this equal power balance in Ana and Christian’s “relationship”? It doesn’t exist! He’s a billionaire, she’s a student. He takes the dominant role outside the bedroom already. He takes the dominant role in the bedroom as well, and nowhere does he ask Ana what she is or isn’t okay with. This isn’t a power balance. This is a conquest; this has little difference from a conquistador coming into a foreign country to claim it for his own. Probably an extreme comparison, but you get what I’m saying here. There is no power balance here at ALL.

Already, there are ER injury spikes from couples trying what they see/read in Fifty Shades. People, seriously, wake up. Wake up and have a thorough look at what you’re really doing. None of this is OK. The actual BDSM community depends on active and enthusiastic consent. Where was there consent from Ana Steele? There wasn’t.

Please don’t give me the bullshit of, “she went forward with the affair, this is what she gets.” If you think that, you’re part of the problem. Let me set something straight here: even if you’re engaging in an affair, regardless of the difference in social power balance, there’s a certain standard for treatment of the person you’re in bed with, and the standard is thus: if they don’t want to do something, never force them into it. It doesn’t work. It never works. And whether or not Ana knew what she was getting into with Christian Grey, at no point did she give any active consent to handcuffs and nipple clamps.

EL James has done adult women the same disservice that Stephenie Meyer did to teenage girls with Twilight: they both portray abusive, unhealthy relationships as ‘sexy’ or ‘exciting’ or ‘romantic’.

And if this is how they see relationships, then I’m sorry but not sorry, I have to question their own personal lives. What sort of crap do they put up with, or have put up with, from their significant others that they are writing a romanticized version of what most college students learn in Domestic Violence and Psychology if they’re in criminal-justice classes?

Or, are they that bored, if Stephenie Meyer writes stalker fiction, and EL James uses it as a base to write soft-core rape-porn fiction? Because it’s a known fact that Fifty Shades had its start as a Twilight fanfic.

And people are reading this crap?

I really don’t know what that means for the reader population of this country, but I don’t wonder why my own series hadn’t sold. Because gee, an actual strong female lead isn’t popular as opposed to a man who chains up women without their consent.

K.G.

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One thought on “Fifty Shades of Give me a fucking BREAK.

  1. Don’t use all your disgust yet. There’s going to be two more movies cause there’s three frickin’ books. THREE. Cause at the end of the first one, she tries to leave him and HE doesn’t let her which leads to her going back to him. Just. . . makes me sick. What makes me more sick though is that they marketed the movie as a romance and released it on Valentine’s Day. Though I do take satisfaction in knowing that the movie overall was a shitfest considering it was supposed to be about “BDSM” and “romance” which from every review I’ve seen. . . it lacked both of those things — not that the books had it in the first place. But yes, there will be two more movies and as in the books there’ll be one where she has his baby cause it is a Twilight fanfic. Joy, right?

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