I’ve said back in late December that the way you start a year is the way you end it. What I failed to consider is that this maxim applies to the year between birthdays as well.
Today’s my 31st. And between my last birthday and this one, I had to deal with more than I’d usually have to handle in 3-4 years. Not easy in the slightest, and very little of it good. The highlight was a trip to London – childhood bucket list item checked off! – but I could’ve very well done without what all continued to hit the fan after that. Deaths, health issues, disagreements with friends for a multitude of reasons… yeah.
But you know what? I said as much on my FB page and I’ll say it again: I am surrounded by some seriously amazing people. And without them I would have fallen apart a long time ago.
In reality, I can’t afford to fall apart. I have too much going on to give up on it now, and entirely too many people relying on me. No matter what, the only option I really have is to go forward.
None of what happened in the past year has really been new. I’ve had to go through it all before, from the deaths to everything else. Never back-to-back and one on top of the other, though, but whether or not I like it, life has a funny way of repeating situations, and the range of situations I’ve both borne witness to and had to deal with have all been repetitions of things I’ve had to deal with a decade ago, just in different juxtapositions.
If not for the fact that it’s been a very painful series of events, I would almost have found it hilarious. Almost.
But you know what? That’s just part and parcel of the shit we have to deal with along the way. The only thing we can do is, when we find ourselves in the same pattern of events as before, that we don’t step on the same rake twice, to turn a phrase. Don’t react like you did the last time you were in the situation, or when you’re on the other/different side of the same, recognize where you yourself went wrong the last time.
I’d like to think that I got better at the last part. So far, my situation has been more the latter; I found myself repeating my prior experiences occupying a different position than I had last. While I’m not technically a believer in second chances, when you have to re-live situations from your past in a different perspective, you see exactly what your shortfalls were the first time.
Either way, I’m ready for this year to go the right way. This past 365 days have been a test of patience and endurance, and while I have plenty of the second, I’m very much short on the first. I’m not going to lie, it will probably not be an easy year to follow, but I know what I am working on.